Elizabeth Warren’s Dance Moves Fire Up Crowd At Brooklyn Rally

Elizabeth Warren’s Dance Moves Fire Up Crowd At Brooklyn Rally


WITH ANY LUCK, HARRY AND MEGAN
WILL BE BACK ACROSS THE POND IN TIME TO VOTE IN THE 2020
ELECTION. AND THE DEMOCRATS–
( APPLAUSE )
THE DEMOCRATS STILL HAVE A TON
OF CHOICES OUT THERE– HELLO. STILL DON’T KNOW WHO THAT IS. I STILL DON’T KNOW WHO THAT IS. LAST WEEK, THEY WENT DOWN TO A
TON MINUS ONE, BECAUSE FORMER HOUSING AND URBAN DEVELOPMENT
SECRETARY JULIAN CASTRO ANNOUNCED HE WAS ENDING HIS
CAMPAIGN. SO IT IS TIME TO SAY GOODBYE TO
SECRETARY CASTRO. OKAY. WAIT A SECOND! IS THAT HIS TWIN, JOAQUIN
CASTRO? YOU GUYS CAN’T “PARENT TRAP” US! GET OUT OF HERE! OF COURSE, AS SOME FOLKS LEAVE
THE RACE, OTHERS JUMP RIGHT IN. THE MOST RECENT TO JOIN
WAS FORMER NEW YORK MAYOR AND MAN WITH MONOGRAMMED SEAT BELT
BOWTIE, IN CASE HIS NECK IS IN AN DESCENT, MICHAEL BLOOMBERG. IF YOU HAVE A TV, YOU MAY HAVE
HEARD OF HIM, BECAUSE BLOOMBERG HAS SPENT A STAGGERING
$100 MILLION ON CAMPAIGN ADS IN ONE MONTH. HE’S HOPING HE CAN GET ELECTED
JUST BY BEING RECOGNIZED FROM TV ADS, WHICH IS WHY THE
FRONTRUNNER FOR HIS V.P. SLOT IS THE MUCINEX MUCUS BLOB.( LAUGHTER )
HE JUST ANNOUNCED HIS BIGGEST AD BUY OF ALL. BLOOMBERG’S CAMPAIGN HAS
PURCHASED A 60-SECOND AD DURING NEXT MONTH’S SUPER BOWL. WE DON’T KNOW WHAT THE
COMMERCIAL IS GOING TO LOOK LIKE YET. SO FAR, ALL WE KNOW IS THAT,
“THE BIGGEST POINT IS GETTING UNDER TRUMP’S SKIN.” GOOD LUCK.( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
SURE. NICE GOAL A NICE GOAL, BUT
THAT STUFF’S TOUGHER THAN THE RIND ON A BUTTERNUT SQUASH. BUT JUST HOURS AFTER BLOOMBERG’S
CAMPAIGN ANNOUNCED THEIR AD BUY, TRUMP ANNOUNCED HE WAS ALSO
DROPPING $10 MILLION ON A SUPER BOWL AD. WELL, I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO
POLITICIANS OF ALL PARTIES: GET OUT OF MY SUPER BOWL
COMMERCIALS! I DON’T WANT TO SEE POLITICIANS.( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THAT’S NOT WHAT THE DAY IS FOR. I DON’T WANT TO SEE CANDIDATES
FOR POLITICAL OFFICE. I ONLY WANT TO SEE FRIENDSHIPS
BETWEEN HORSES AND PUPPIES AND INTER-RACIAL COUPLES ENJOYING
CEREAL. I WANT TO CRY BECAUSE OF A
TRUCK! THE MAN LOVES THAT TRUCK SO
THAT MAN LOVES THAT TRUCK SO MUCH. AND HIGHS IN THE TRUCK WITH
ANOTHER MAN WHO LOVES THE TRUCK. AND THE OTHER MAN IS HIS FATHER. THEY BOTH LOVE THE TRUCK SO
MUCH.>>Audience: OOOH!>>Stephen: I LOVE YOU, TRUCK. IN OTHER DEMOCRAT NEWS, LAST
NIGHT, ELIZABETH WARREN HELD A BIG RALLY IN BROOKLYN, AND FROM
THE LOOKS OF IT, SHE HAD A GREAT TIME. CHECK OUT HER MOVES:
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ JUST A LITTLE BIT
HEY, BABY ♪ JUST A LITTLE BIT ♪
>>Stephen: WOW, SHE’S ROCKING A REAL “EVERY CHAPERONE AT THE
EIGHTH GRADE DANCE” VIBE. ♪ ♪ ♪
“VOGUE” RECENTLY WHERE THEY ASKED ABOUT HER SIGNATURE LOOK:
BLACK PANTS, BLACK SHIRT, AND SOLID-COLORED SWEATERS AND
BLAZERS. OR, AS “VOGUE” FOR SOME REASON
PUT IT, WARREN’S CLOSETS, KEPT IN SPECTRAL ORDER, LOOK LIKE
MR. ROGERS’S STRETCHED ACROSS A COLOR WHEEL. SOUNDS LIKE AN ODD METAPHOR,
BUT– SPOILER ALERT– IT’S THE SHOCKING ENDING OF “A BEAUTIFUL
DAY IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD.”( LAUGHTER )
WE ALSO– IT’S KING FRIDAY. THAT’S KING FRIDAY’S DUDGEON. THE IDEA IS–
♪ ♪ ♪ THANK YOU! WE ALSO GOT THE FOURTH-QUARTER
FUNDRAISING NUMBERS THIS WEEK, AND THEY’RE GOOD FOR THE
DEMOCRATIC PARTY, BECAUSE IN 2019, IF YOU COMBINE ALL OF
THEM, DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATES DOUBLED TRUMP’S NUMBERS. SO CLEARLY–
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
YEAH, PUT THEM TOGETHER. HE JUST PUT THEM TOGETHER. CLEARLY, IN 2020, TRUMP STANDS
NO CHANCE AGAINST DEMOCRAZOID.( LAUGHTER )
MUCH OF THAT FUNDRAISING CAME FROM MR. BERNIE SANDERS, WHO, IN
THE FOURTH QUARTER ALONE, RAISED $34.5 MILLION.( APPLAUSE )
YEAH. AND BERNIE HAS PLANS TO USE IT. WHILE OTHER DEMOCRATIC
CANDIDATES ARE STUCK IN D.C. FOR THE SENATE’S IMPEACHMENT TRIAL,
BERNIE PLANS ON ATTENDING RALLIES AFTER HOURS BY HOPPING
ON PRIVATE JETS. NOW, AS SOMEONE WHO HAS FLOWN ON
A PRIVATE JET, LET ME ASSURE YOU, THOSE THINGS WILL KNOCK THE
SOCIALISM RIGHT OUT OF YOU.( AS BERNIE )
“EQUALITY FOR ALL! FOR TOO LONG, THE BILLIONAIRE
CLASS HAS– WAIT. WE GET TO DRIVE UP STRAIGHT TO
THE PLANE, AND I CAN KEEP MY SHOES ON? THE BOTTOM 99% CAN REDISTRIBUTE
100% OF THEIR LIPS TO MY BUTT! I AM BALLING OUT ON THE G6!”
SHAKE IT UP, LADIES. I KNOT A LOT OF MONEY. I’M RAINING HONEY ROAST PEANUTS
BACK HERE.” WE’VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT. LARRY DAVID IS HERE. WHEN WE RETURN, FACEBOOK
PROMISES TO INTERFERE IN OUR NEXT ELECTION.

100 thoughts on “Elizabeth Warren’s Dance Moves Fire Up Crowd At Brooklyn Rally”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *